Yes, you read that headline correctly. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting on my couch minding my own black business when the unimaginable happened: an earthquake! The doors in my house began to rattle and at first I thought someone was trying to rob me, after all, this is Miami. Either that, or Casper the friendly ghost wasn’t so friendly. I got up the courage to go towards the garage and check it out. I know, it was very Caucasian brave of me, but I needed to know what was happening. As it turns out military officials said it could have been aircraft testing, and experts say they are unsure what the rattle was, but it was not an earthquake. But many local residents beg to differ, including myself. Y’all either way I am shooketh! See the WPLG news clip below.
Florida Data Analyst Rebekah Jones, who said she was fired by the Florida Department of Health for refusing to falsify Covid-19 statistics, is now suing the state for violating her first amendment rights.
Jones, who took upon the task to create a Covid-19 dashboard for the state and was thereafter fired back in May 2020, said she lost her job because she refused to manipulate data on the dashboard that suggested covid restrictions could be eased.
Jones told National Public Radio she was asked by a superior to change Florida’s coronavirus positivity rate from 18% to 10% so the state would appear to meet its target to reopen.
“When I went to show them what the report card would say for each county, among other things, they asked me to delete the report card because it showed that no counties, pretty much, were ready for reopening,” Jones added, “and they didn’t want to draw attention to that.”
Back in June a spokesperson for Florida Gov. Ron De Santis said the reason for Jones being fired is because she “exhibited a repeated course of insubordination during her time with the department.”
Governor DeSantis said Jones has “got issues” and said her ‘findings’ were unproven.
“This individual became known, because she alleged a conspiracy theory at the Department of Health, which is unfounded and never proven at all,” DeSantis said during one appearance. “She was fired because she wasn’t doing a good job. None of the stuff that she said was ever proven. You’d think that would be the end of it. Obviously, she’s got issues.”
Since being fired Jones had created a dashboard of her own and that’s when things got spicy.
Jones said the States’ coronavirus case numbers are misconstrued as any person who tests positive will be counted as a positive test only once, no matter how many times they test positive. But a person who tests negative will be counted over and over again each time they test negative for the coronavirus.
“They’re adding their total test figures instead of their total people, which makes their percent positive extremely low,” she said.
The Infamous Raid
Ultimately Jones’ home was raided where police confiscated her computer and cell phone. Jones alleges police pointed guns towards herself, her husband and children. What’s more is she is also accusing an unidentified agent — for now only named as John Doe — of battery for inappropriate touching during the raid.
“They took my phone and the computer I use every day to post the case numbers in Florida, and school cases for the entire country. They took evidence of corruption at the state level. They claimed it was about a security breach. This was DeSantis. He sent the ‘ gestapo’.”
Today Jones’ lawsuit, filed in Leon County circuit court, alleges violations of Jones’ First Amendment and due-process rights and alleges an unlawful search and seizure.
It names as defendants Florida Department of Law Enforcement Commissioner Rick Swearingen, Agent Noel Pratts and, of course, the pervert unidentified agent listed as John Doe.
The lawsuit seeks compensatory and punitive damages and an injunction that would require Swearingen to return property seized in the search. .
Whew Chile! See the video of an officer’s body cam footage below! Skip to the 1:45 minute mark.
Uncle Luke, who recently interviewed with the Miami New Times, revealed he tested positive for Covid-19 last month.
The rapper said he had been self-quarantining and social distancing, but caved in when some assholes friends pressured him into going to a strip club.
“Recently, I joined the ranks of the more than 1 million Floridians who’ve caught the coronavirus,” he said. “Throughout the pandemic, I had been strictly adhering to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) guidelines, especially wearing a mask whenever I stepped out of my house. Then I gave in to the peer pressure of going out to a party.”
Spolier alert: the party turned out to be a super spreader event where none of its attendees were wearing masks.
“As soon as I walked through the doors, it was like stepping into a coronavirus-spreading chamber. Everybody was wildin’ out and getting drunk” said Luke, 59. “Almost no one was wearing masks. My buddies were all up in my face. Patrons and strippers were walking up to me and asking to take selfies.”
A few days after the party Luke said he had a 102 degrees and decided to go get tested.
Since then the rapper has recovered and is encouraging others to stay safe in social gatherings however, if Luke broke quarantine to go to The Office, we understand! Just kidding.
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